Tuesday, July 14, 2009

Am I ready to fly?

It is so easy to try to shelter myself and my family from everything. It's time to risk falling.

Anyone that truly knows me knows I don't usually take big risks. Case in point: Junior High Track and Field. At the beginning of the season, they had everyone try everything. I guess I did pretty well in the hurdles for my height/weight/age class, so they had me be part of the hurdle relay at a meet a few weeks later. In my defense, I had not practiced the hurdles between that time, even once. Well, when my turn came, I choked. I ran up to the first hurdle, and stopped. I then stepped over the first hurdle. I tried to break into a run for the next one, but skidded to a stop again. Swung one leg over, then the other. By this time, the tears started to come. My teammates were cheering me on. But I repeated my embarrassment with every one of the remaining hurdles. I could barely see them with the tears streaming down my face, blurring my vision. I crossed the line, handed off the baton, and my team finished last. By a long shot. Friends put their hands on my shoulders, but I just wanted to hide. Why couldn't I have done what I did a few weeks ago? Nothing amazing, just jumping over them? Fear. Fear overtook everything else.

Of course, leaving my hometown so my husband could work on his PhD was a leap of faith. But what have I done here? Keep to myself for the most part. Time to change that.


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