Friday, October 23, 2009


This article in the Ensign really hit me last month. I realized that they described me over the past few months. I have been doing much better the last couple weeks, but it still isn't easy.

I thought back to a PPD risk assessment given by my OB back in California. I could mark yes to many of the questions during my pregnancy.

Long distance move? Check
Unplanned pregnancy? Check
Financial troubles/reduction in income? Check
Little assistance from family? Check
Death in family? Check - even though he didn't pass until months after
PPD after previous pregnancies - probably

It didn't help that I never trusted my OB, and was even more disappointed with how he treated me during delivery.

Before I go further, a note to my sweet husband:

Postpartum depression may be difficult for a husband to understand, and sometimes he may react with confusion, frustration, anger, guilt, anxiety, or embarrassment. It may be helpful for him to engage in counseling or reading to increase his understanding of postpartum depression and to learn how he can be most helpful. His doing so can benefit both him and his wife.
I know that this is probably hard for him to understand, and that he probably will blame himself for my troubles. I guess I've been trying to protect him. This is not his fault. I think that I've always known that I'm prone to depression. It's never been this bad before. But I'm doing so much better. I feel like I'm one step away from being "me" again. I think a lot of that has to do with me admitting to myself what it is that I've been struggling with. It has taken away the guilt of all the things I haven't accomplished over the past 8 months.

Oh, and as I have been thinking about this, I've been thinking about comments my dad made years ago about my mom. About how it seemed that she didn't take good care of herself after having a baby. I suspect that she suffered from PPD as well. I love you, mom.

I can say that the hardest thing about this is actually admitting it. To people I know, even. Hitting "Publish Post" is a struggle.


  1. Really authentic post, thank you! This is a really difficult issue with so many underlying things to consider. I know I went completely off the deep end after the birth of my 4th child in 4 years and 7 month. But with proper care, perspective from a counselor and a strong reliance on God I came out of it. Thank you for visiting Bee Wise Bags and loving our little dolly!!

  2. OOPs, I signed into the wrong google account with my last comment. :)

  3. Just now realized you have a blog, my dear!! I have suffered from pregnancy depression. Not the crying kind. Just the lethargic, can barely feel my pulse kind. Can't seem to do more than one chore any given day during pregnancy. I rarely could go to Walmart AND do laundry. It lasted the full 9 months, but within HOURS of giving birth it vanished, giving way for post partum euphoria. What I have learned from that is that hormones affect women in a serious way, and 'snapping out of it' can't just happen, though I have learned things that help, and some that make it worse. But that uphill struggle to get things done, to get dressed, to find energy for every day things. It is VERY real. Would that post-partum depression could come with the same kind of cure that my pre-partum depression did with each birth.
    LOVE, Victoria